Easter “Eve” Reflections 

The past month has been an absolute whirlwind with barely a second to breathe. Major change is coming for our little family and tonight is the first chance I’ve had to even take it all in! 

My husband received his medical residency assignment at an amazing program. I still cannot believe in one month he’ll officially be a doctor! I am so proud! However, this placement takes us six hours from our family and friends. I have lived in the same town my whole life, and I love it here! I went to the same high school my dad went to. We currently live in the house my grandparents used to own. And now we’re moving! 

Moving brings such excitement as I can’t wait to explore a new part of the country. It also brings nerves as my hubby will be working an insane schedule and I’ll need a support network. Thankfully, one of my closest friends and her fiancée are also moving to the area, so I won’t be totally alone. But, still, I am afraid. 

So it seems apropos that the night before Easter, we get the news that we were approved for the place we really wanted to live. We had seen a few properties online, but when the opportunity for a viewing for this place came up, we hopped in the car after lunch and made our way down. I am so grateful that it all worked out. 

Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays as it signifies rebirth and hope. Even in the darkest moments of my life, hope and faith have gotten me through. Every stumbling block has been a cleverly disguised detour to a better destination. 

It is no mistake this news came through today. My hubby and I were slightly sad that this was our last big holiday as residents of our home state. However, this news is a reminder that we are always being looked out for and guided toward a better path. 

I am so excited to celebrate Easter this year with Cupcake. Here she is as just an itty bitty little thing.   

photo credit: Michelle Williams photography

 

Last Easter she was  just a few weeks old and my life was a blur. I stumbled to church with no makeup, no time to brush my hair, and whatever clothes were within reach. I was a mess. Here she is on Easter ( one of my only pictures from that day!) : 

 And yet, Easter is filled with such joy that everyone overlooked the bleary-eyed parents and graciously focused on our little cherub instead. I sadly don’t think I even remembered to send the Easter Bunny a birth announcement as Cupcake had no Easter basket. I felt like a major failure there, but I knew at church I’d be home. But this year, she will be celebrating with a big basket since the Easter Bunny felt so bad! 

More importantly, the day of joy and hope stands before us to show us that we are loved and cared for. No matter which path you walk, know you are loved. There is hope. Whatever troubles you have can be lifted up and you will be provided for! 

Happy Easter! Hallelujah, hallelujah! 

On Our First Birthday 

Sweet daughter, 

Today something truly momentous happened. You turned one. So did I, I suppose. One year of being your mommy has been my greatest adventure. Over the last year we’ve shared 365 days of sunrises and sunsets. We’ve shared laughter and cries. We’ve grown together and learned a lot. 

On the day you were born, nothing else mattered in the whole world except for you. For perhaps only a fraction of a second, you held the distinction of being the youngest person on Earth. And while a new miracle quickly took over that title, I was mesmerized. 

Some women have really hard pregnancies and some just don’t like being pregnant. While it certainly wasn’t the most relaxing nine months of my life, they were the most magical I had ever experienced. You were my little buddy, with me wherever I went. When the cold winter months hit, I’d wrap us up under a warm blanket and rub my belly, hoping against hope that you felt my love. I would talk to you constantly about everything I was seeing, hearing, and doing. You were my everything. But, then you were born. And I had to share you. 



Now, don’t get me wrong, I was so excited to share you with the world. I couldn’t wait for you to meet your amazing Daddy. I knew Grandma and Grandpa would be bursting at the seems to become grandparents. I couldn’t wait to lay you in your nursery, the same one that your great-grandmother raised your Poppy in. I wanted to be the best mommy, just like your Jammie was for me. Plus, I kinda sorta made you- and you were perfect- so I wanted to show you off. 

But, nonetheless, I was a bit sad at the loss of our secret little bond we had. So as they laid you in my arms, all I could think to say was, “Hi baby.” The time at the hospital passed in a blur and we were home before we knew it. 



Over the past year, I’ve come to realize that the secret little bond we had was nothing. When you call out for me in the night to come feed you, although I am tired and sleepy, I smile. You call for me. What magic. When you take a tumble, you reach out for me. When you decide you don’t want your diaper changed, or to be in your car seat, or to do whatever it is that we’re doing- you are soothed by my singing, my hugs, my love. 



You can be busily playing and smiling and the whole world thinks you’re happy, but I can tell that you’re secretly tired, or upset, or mad. As soon as I bring you to a quiet place, you dissolve into tears because you know you’re in a safe enough place to do so. You know Daddy and I will take care of you. 



You have learned such amazing things over the last year! You can walk, talk, and dance. You laugh and play peekaboo. You can roll a ball. You have a knack for taking off any shoe or sock we put on you. 



But, as much as you’ve learned, I’ve learned more. I’ve learned that sometimes the most wonderful moments occur at a 3am nursing session when I’m so tired I can barely function. You reach up, touch my cheek, and I’m cured. I’ve learned to slow down and to truly smell the roses, crunch the leaves and watch a bird sit in a tree, because nature is stunning, even in it’s simplest form. I’ve learned that our secret little bond of pregnancy is gone, and has been replaced by a much larger, much better one. I’ve learned that literally nothing matters unless I know you’re safe, cared for, and healthy. 



So while today we will place a candle on the top of your cake, Mommy will be there to help you, because it’s my birth-day and I couldn’t be more excited. 



Love always (and in all ways),

Mommy 

Behind the Picture

Ever take a photo that is simultaneously bad and perfect all at once?

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It’s blurry. Cupcake is barely in it. I have no makeup on. It’s certainly not the most flattering picture out there.

And yet, if you could see outside of the boundaries of this picture, you would see Cupcake and I visiting her great-grandmother at the nursing home. You would see Cupcake and I playing in Cupcake’s first BINGO game. You would see my dear Gramma Rose so proud to show us off to the 20 other nursing home residents playing with us.

Perfection in blur.

Visiting

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It’s amazing what a visit can do. My grandmother has been in a nursing home for years. It’s so hard to visit her with a very active little one who desperately wants to be down on the floor. And yet, each week I go with Cupcake. From the second we get there, all the residents light up. All week I had been putting off my visit for one reason or another. It was only a short visit today, but it warmed my heart to see how happy my grandma was. Who knows how much time she has left…so I’m glad I’m building in these moments. Even if Cupcake doesn’t get to really know her great-grandmother well, she will hear about these visits and how they made a very old woman very happy at the end of her life.