Starting Again

Today I did something that I have not done in nearly a year…I went to the gym. The whirring of the treadmills, the smell of the chlorine from the pool, it all pulled me in and made me afraid.

When we found out we would be moving last year, we cancelled our gym membership. Although I tried to keep up with exercising as much as possible, I was not doing as well as I could have. I used our jogging stroller to go on runs around the neighborhood (until Cupcake got too heavy and it hurt my back). I tried to do workout videos here and there. I found it hard to stay consistent without the gym. It was too easy to look around my house and see the chore list staring back at me. There was always something that needed tending to. So, my workouts suffered.

And being a work-at-home-mom, working out became less enjoyable for me. Home was where my family was, but it was also my workplace. And now it was supposed to be my gym. I made a million excuses but the honest truth was I just hated working out at home. I was really unsure about whether we wanted to shell out the money for a gym membership, so I tried to make it work. My fitness suffered. I was cranky. I was getting out of shape. It was not good. Added to that was any decent gym around us was nearly double what we were paying before.

It took some convincing, but I told my sweetie that all I wanted for Valentine’s Day was a gym membership. I wanted a place to go to work out. For this mama, it also had the benefit of childcare! This meant that not only could I get my workout in, I could also shower and get ready after sans Cupcake. I was so excited when he agreed.

But this morning, I was terrified. I did not want to go. I was going to be so out of shape compared to where I was. It was a new place so I had no idea where anything was located. It was also snowing when we woke up and we live in a place not accustomed to much snow. I teach my students online, but the physical campus (located just 10 minutes away) was cancelled for the whole day due to the weather! We only have a car seat in one car, which is the better car for the snow, so my husband would have to take it to work. YAY! I would be able to excuse myself from attending the gym.

Thankfully, my husband gently reminded me how much I wanted this. So at an ungodly hour, the three of us packed into the car so I could bring him to work in the “good” car, then I drove through rush hour traffic (why do they call it that? It should be slow hour traffic). We arrived at the gym just in time for the childcare to be opening. I slowly got changed into my workout clothes, dropped Cupcake off with the providers, and was faced with actually having to workout.

The stats of the workout were not impressive, but they were better than anything I would have gotten sitting back on my couch. I pressed start and that seems like a huge accomplishment in itself. And while I had to work far harder than I used to in the past, I did it.

Have you ever been scared to start something up again that you haven’t done in awhile? Tell me about your “press start” moment in the comments below!

Love,

Lindsay

Late Onset Separation Anxiety

Cupcake is 10 months old and I finally decided to take her to the babysitting at my gym. I figured she was old enough to not need me too much since I figured it would be too hard in the days when I ebf. I also figured she would not be too old where the separation would be at its peak. Online they tell you that separation anxiety starts around a year, so I was interested to see how she’d do.

When I walked in the Kids’ Center after my workout, Cupcake giggled and came right over to me with hands outstretched for me to pick her up. The girl running it said she did great and did not cry once. Cupcake played well with the other children. I was so proud of my girl!

What they forgot to mention in my online research was that separation anxiety also makes a resurgence during your first years of mommyhood! While Cupcake apparently was fine… I was not!

The whole time I was running, I kept checking to see if one of the employees was looking for me. I kept thinking I heard a baby cry, which would have been impossible even if she was crying as I had my IPod blaring and the Kids’ Center is pretty conveniently located to minimize noise. Instead of running my usual distance, I got to 1.5 miles and figured it was enough.

When I started stretching, I thought Eh. I’m limber enough. No need to stretch today.

I typically love showering at the gym because it is uninterrupted time. Today, I kept looking out from behind the curtain to be sure no one needed me from the front desk.

It’s snowing outside and 20-something degrees and I thought no need to blow dry my hair today!

When I walked in to see that button-nosed little girl smiling, ugh my heart just beamed.

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At least I know she’ll be okay for next time! As for me? Well I’m just happy to have my baby girl back in my arms!

Did you have any trouble the first few times you left your little one somewhere? Please tell me I’m not the only crazy out there!