You know how right before a big storm the whole town seems to shut down? The birds flock home. There are no squirrels in sight. The whole world is eerily quiet, holding their breath, waiting for the storm to appear. That’s my world right now. Okay, maybe that’s a tad bit melodramatic. But, I really feel like I am preparing for something bigger than just an elimination diet.
Today I did our grocery shopping to stock up on all the goodies I need to get me through the next few weeks. It all started with cleaning out the entire pantry to remove any of the major temptations. I moved on to not restocking the fridge as we ran out of delicious things like cheese, and tomatoes, and eggs. I have not made any homemade bread in two weeks. It had been feeling a bit empty (although our food budget was sitting more happily than ever!).
Today I went out and stocked up on turkey, rice, quinoa, fruits and vegetables galore. I feel ready.
But, now I am just waiting. It probably shouldn’t be such a big deal. It’s not like I will be restricted on my calories. I think I’m just scared to have to change everything. There will definitely be no eating out over the next few weeks. I will legitimately miss peanut butter. Nearly all of our favorite recipes are on the “not allowed” list. Even when we can start adding foods back in, it will be a slow process. I love to cook, but having to prepare every meal from scratch feels a little daunting. Will I be able to resist when Cupcake tries to hand me a piece of cheese to lovingly share? That kid LOVES to share and I realllllly love her snacks! Ugh.
I know this all will probably seem silly in retrospect, but I am honestly nervous about the next few days. I say this completely seriously, how am I going to be without any caffeine? I have been slowly reducing my intake, but I am still nervous. Will I be cranky? Will I be able to be patient with Cupcake? I’ve used coffee as both a pick me up and a appetite suppressant at times, so how will that change? I will miss my coffee! Clearly therein lies the problem. Since when should we have such a relationship with a specific food?
What makes peanut butter, coffee, or sugar so special? Okay, maybe the coffee has an explanation. But, still! I really want to consider why I have such a dependence on these food items.
For much of my life, I relied heavily on prepackaged foods. Diet sodas and low-fat foods were the norm. I thought I was being healthy. As I’ve started cooking more and exploring what food I’m putting in our bellies, I’ve realized how important food is. It is not just fuel. It is more.
So, while it might seem silly, I think I’m ready. I am ready for the mental part of this elimination diet. I am ready to start feeling better, even if it means temporarily feeling worse. I am ready to take charge of my own body and finally know which foods are causing me to feel so terrible. I am ready to start to move away from my heavy dependence on added sugar. Since when did fruit become not sweet enough?
I have stocked my fridge. I have prepared extra fruits and vegetables and rice so that I never catch myself too hungry. I can do this. I am ready to see what changes happen over the next few weeks. Let’s go!